When I was going through my Weekend of Darkness I did some Internet searching for resources for LDS mothers who work outside the home. I found a few talks and quotes, but nothing that seemed to provide the support and affirmation I needed. Thankfully, the many replies I received to my first post were incredibly uplifting. THAT is what I hope to create: a place where LDS mothers who happen to work can find others in similar circumstances and give and receive strength. So here's my thought for the day: when things get hard (or stay hard) and you don't know how to keep going, remember that things really do look better in the morning. It's scriptural! See?
"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23*
That's definitely what happened to me yesterday: I woke up feeling really good (mentally - hooray!), and not only made it through work but was easily able to bear with a baby who shrieked/screamed for hours for no apparent reason. (And believe me, we tried everything.) I even had a couple "Magic of Motherhood" moments, when nothing but ME would calm the baby. Oh yeah, you read that right: I felt like a Mom, capitalized.
I'm so grateful for each new day, and I am especially grateful that each of the last few days has been better than the one before. I wish the same for you, and if that's NOT what you're experiencing, if each day seems to be the same drudgery or even progressively worse, then please: talk to your doctor. Being a mom is hard enough; none of us need depression added to our already heavy load. I hope you can see or feel the Lord's mercies in your life tomorrow morning - and every morning afterwards, too!
*Here's a good song to remember this scripture. Enjoy!
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
Update
I have had so many friends share uplifting and inspiring thoughts with me - so I guess the idea of posting about how I've been feeling wasn't a bad one! Today has been such a good (mental health) day, and I even had a few "The Magic of Motherhood" moments. But I'm still super sick with this cough of death and I am so tired it hurts. So I'll have to fill you all in another day. Until then, you are wonderful, just the way you are!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
A Beginning
To all the wonderful mothers out there: Happy Mother's Day! Personally, the last 48 hours have been some of the most difficult of my life. I deal (struggle) with depression in general, so the post partum stuff makes things even more fun, and this last week has been the perfect storm:
Monday and Tuesday:
R is violently ill with a stomach bug. I juggle work, caring for him, and caring for our children.
Big Brother has a nasty cough/cold.
Wednesday and Thursday:
I catch the bug and am fantastically sick, myself. I don't have any sick days after my maternity leave, so I only take one day even though I'm sick for two. Suck it up and move on, right?
So far the boys aren't throwing up. I keep praying.
Friday:
Little Brother catches the cough/cold.
I get my first period after having the baby. Darkness descends.
Seriously, the stuff going through my head is intense and very out of the norm. The worst part? Even though I know I'm going into massive depression mode, I can't stop it. I lay on the couch and cry. After several hours on my own with the baby (R was helping a friend with a project and took Big Brother with him) I finally get him to sleep and consider leaving. Maybe I'll drive to the beach? Maybe I'll drive to the temple? R will be home soon, the baby will be okay. Wait, no, that's not okay. I curl up on the couch again.
Saturday I wake up feeling okay...ish. Better than yesterday in some ways, worse in others. We all get ready and head out to a first birthday party for a friend. It was fun to see them, but NOT so fun to be in an enclosed space with what seemed like hordes of people and my two cranky children. When we left after three hours I was drained. Then we got home, and I turned into a zombie. All I could do was sleep. I turned Netflix on for Big Brother and crashed on the bed next to him. Hours later I rouse myself enough to scrounge up dinner.
Today I felt pretty good when I woke up. I even got myself ready in time for our 9:00 am Sacrament Meeting, which has only happened twice in the five months since Little Brother's birth. I go to Sacrament Meeting and then head home to trade out with R. He takes pity on me and stays to take care of the sick kids so I can rest. I try to sleep but I can't keep my mind from spiraling in increasingly negative thoughts. I beg him to give me a blessing, which immediately helps. (Note to self: ask for a blessing sooner next time!!!)
"Wait," you say..."I thought this was a blog about being a working Mormon mom? What's all this depression stuff about?"
For me, the two are inextricably linked. A lot of what goes through my head when I start to feel depressed is related to my perception of how I'm not meeting the expectation of an LDS mother. What I need to do - desperately - is to create my own expectations that are realistic and healthy and, yes, gospel-centered. And that is where you come in. How do you manage your expectations? What strategies have you found that help you feel like a successful mother who happens to work outside the home? Please, share!
Monday and Tuesday:
R is violently ill with a stomach bug. I juggle work, caring for him, and caring for our children.
Big Brother has a nasty cough/cold.
Wednesday and Thursday:
I catch the bug and am fantastically sick, myself. I don't have any sick days after my maternity leave, so I only take one day even though I'm sick for two. Suck it up and move on, right?
So far the boys aren't throwing up. I keep praying.
Friday:
Little Brother catches the cough/cold.
I get my first period after having the baby. Darkness descends.
Seriously, the stuff going through my head is intense and very out of the norm. The worst part? Even though I know I'm going into massive depression mode, I can't stop it. I lay on the couch and cry. After several hours on my own with the baby (R was helping a friend with a project and took Big Brother with him) I finally get him to sleep and consider leaving. Maybe I'll drive to the beach? Maybe I'll drive to the temple? R will be home soon, the baby will be okay. Wait, no, that's not okay. I curl up on the couch again.
Saturday I wake up feeling okay...ish. Better than yesterday in some ways, worse in others. We all get ready and head out to a first birthday party for a friend. It was fun to see them, but NOT so fun to be in an enclosed space with what seemed like hordes of people and my two cranky children. When we left after three hours I was drained. Then we got home, and I turned into a zombie. All I could do was sleep. I turned Netflix on for Big Brother and crashed on the bed next to him. Hours later I rouse myself enough to scrounge up dinner.
Today I felt pretty good when I woke up. I even got myself ready in time for our 9:00 am Sacrament Meeting, which has only happened twice in the five months since Little Brother's birth. I go to Sacrament Meeting and then head home to trade out with R. He takes pity on me and stays to take care of the sick kids so I can rest. I try to sleep but I can't keep my mind from spiraling in increasingly negative thoughts. I beg him to give me a blessing, which immediately helps. (Note to self: ask for a blessing sooner next time!!!)
"Wait," you say..."I thought this was a blog about being a working Mormon mom? What's all this depression stuff about?"
For me, the two are inextricably linked. A lot of what goes through my head when I start to feel depressed is related to my perception of how I'm not meeting the expectation of an LDS mother. What I need to do - desperately - is to create my own expectations that are realistic and healthy and, yes, gospel-centered. And that is where you come in. How do you manage your expectations? What strategies have you found that help you feel like a successful mother who happens to work outside the home? Please, share!
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